Learning the value of rolling with women

For probably two years, Professor Mike kept trying to get me to start a women’s-only class.   I said no every time. I didn’t feel comfortable teaching, mostly due to imposter syndrome. Why separate the women when I was accepted by the bros? I had trained with guys since the beginning, felt respected and accepted by my brothers in Jiu Jitsu, and didn’t want to mess with something that was working. Plus, we barely had ANY girls training — it felt pointless. But what I didn’t see at the time was that it wasn’t about separating us. It was about creating space. Space for women to show up, feel safe, get confident, and learn without immediately getting steamrolled.

I started it after meeting a woman with a history of domestic violence who told me she couldn’t train with men. She didn’t stay—but the idea did. I branded our club and started a started a small class, just once a week, and for a long time it was just a few of us there—sometimes just me giving a free private lesson. But I continued on... Now, we have 50+ local ladies to train with, sometimes close to 20 women training on a Friday night. 

For the first time in forever, I wasn’t using all my energy just trying to survive. I got to play. I wasn’t defending the whole round. I was moving, flowing, trying things — failing, adjusting, and trying again. It was fun! And I realized the importance of having female training partners. I realized that I could play offensively for the first time. (I’m not saying I wasn’t landing ANYTHING on my male counterparts, but most of my journey to purple belt was surviving and learning by defending. I’m thankful for that too—because my defense game is now on point)!

More importantly womans class gave me a glimpse of what training could feel like if I wanted to do this for the long haul. It gave me the option to be a little more selective in choosing my rolls, and trying to train more with people my size, so that I can train for longevity. Because I love this sport, and I want to do it as long as I can. I realized that training more with women might be the thing that keeps me in Jiu Jitsu into my 50s and 60s. That’s not soft — that’s smart. It’s not about avoiding tough rounds. It’s about building longevity through balance. You don’t grow stronger by breaking yourself every week—you grow stronger by learning, recovering, and showing up again and again. Training with other women gave me space to do that. It made me better.

Don’t get me wrong — I love training with the guys. Always have, always will. They’ve shaped my game, taught me how to stay calm, move smart, and dig deep. I’ll never stop rolling with them. But training with women has made me sharper. More technical. It’s given me the space to experiment and improve, then bring that back into mixed training with better timing, better setups, better execution.

I used to think a women’s class wasn’t necessary. Now, I think it’s essential — not just for beginners, but for women who want to keep evolving in this sport. Truth is, this class has become something much bigger than me. I like to call it the “gateway to Jiu Jitsu” and hope it leads to them training coed down the road. I used to think a women’s class was unnecessary. Now I know, It’s not a crutch. It’s a launching pad. It’s how we build more black belts. And I’m proud that this little class—this thing I almost never started—is now one of the strongest parts of our local community.